I don't blame people for their mistakes, but I do ask that they pay for them.

Look at you Nancy Drew!


From my early childhood to now Nancy Drew has been part of my life. It started way back in the day with me reading her books getting lost in the mystery and adventure of it all.

But some serious joy has been through playing the herinteractive Nancy Drew computer games. I started playing them back when I was in girl scouts in the 2^nd and 3^rd grade. I played my first mystery with Katie Saunders a wonderfully bright girl who I’ve grown up with and been in school with my whole life.

The first mystery was Message in a Haunted Mansion. It was about investigating an old Victorian bed and breakfast and finding out or not if it was really haunted.

There have been many mysteries solved by my mystery solving team.

Lately I’ve been solving them with Julian. We have been making it through a mystery a night.

Next Up: The Legend of the Crystal Skull

Solving all of these mysteries has definitely made me more observant in my normal life.

Also it has made me pick up my book: Nancy Drew’s Guide to Life

That’s right ladies and gentlemen. I have a book full of Nancy Drew knowledge:

“Moxie and a good sense of balance are essential when climbing on a roof”

“When bound and gagged you can still tap out HELP in Morse code to attract attention”

“The best way to lose a boy is to chase after him”

Happy Sleuthing! 

OK, but... you asked for it. Hold on to your butts!

I’m obsessed with disaster.


            I am the type of person when disaster strikes I spend hours and hours reading news articles, watching videos, and listening to testimonials. It happens for pretty much every disaster to happen for the last few years.

            Needless to say when the Costa Concordia ran aground and began to sink, I was feverishly looking up all the information I could. I found articles detailing the situation, videos of passengers trying to get to lifeboats and stories of people being plucked off the ship via helicopter. I was completely fascinated, a little terrified, and completely emotionally charged. I have always wanted to work on a cruise ship. And I know that crewmembers train all the time for emergency situations. But no amount of preparation can train you for real in your face, quickly approaching danger. The circumstances of this disaster are disappointing. If you are interested I encourage you to look on Youtube and Google. I still very much want to work on a cruise ship. I still want to work on a Carnival ship; even though Carnival is a parent company to Costa Cruises. I send my prayers and condolences out to those who lost families who lost or are missing loved ones. Thankfully over 4,000 people were rescued safely.

            I’ve really been trying to pinpoint why I am so fixated on disaster. I think I live by the phrase “hope for the best but expect the worst” – thank you Chekov. I am always ready for disaster whether it is in situations, my love life, or playing Nancy Drew. At the first bump I go into survival mode over preparing myself for the situation. And when I am forced to ‘abandon ship’, I launch a full scale investigation to find out what went wrong and how it can be prevented in the future. 

You will remember to wash your hands before you eat anything?

She is doing the MOST.

In Ohio we used to have a phrase “doing the most” and it meant a multitude of things it could be used when someone was being really funny or stupid, or when someone wore something off the wall, but I liked it when it was used because people were trying too hard.

Well, Life is doing the MOST right now. I know it is 2012, I know the apocalypse is near… (right), but life is absolutely giving me some serious food for thought.

I have only a few constants in my life. There are only a handful of things I can count on to happen on a daily basis. I never have to worry about my food, and I can go to the gym every day. And on the weekend I have way more constants a show; but even that is going to go away after next weekend. I used to have a lot more constants when I moved here. And to be honest most of them were social constants. I would have someone that I knew would text me good morning. I would have a person who would call me on his way to get cigarettes. I even had someone who would talk to me as I was ready to fall asleep.

These things were so comforting, I feel like now I am left to my thoughts in the late night, and in the morning the responsibility rests on me to tell my self good morning and a positive thought for the day. And it’s ok. It is not ideal, but I have pretty much made myself happy for the last 20 years, so nothing should stop me now.

I am not good at rejecting people.

Now when it comes to theatre I’m great at it; because that is a job. That is a business. Life isn’t a business. I have been rejected more times than I care to count.  So I end up in silly situations. I could really go on about it, but I don’t want it to spiral any more than it is already in my head.

My family is so important to me.

My mom, dad, sister, and uncle went to see my show on Saturday night. After the show was over and everyone was filing out my uncle fell into a grand mal seizure. He is fine now, but it was a terrifying and it made me think a lot about the way I treat people. It was very much like the episode of How I Met Your Mother and Lily’s you’re dead to me look. It just reinforces the idea of being more pleasant and not taking things for granted in 2012.

I am down more than 20 pounds.

I am truly excited to be making such wonderful progress. I’m a third of the way there. I would love to wear a bikini this summer and feel pretty great about it.

I’m directing a musical at a church.

This has brought all sorts of new challenges that I could not have fathomed before. I’m still very optimistic and excited about it. I can’t wait to get started.

That’s an update. Life is doing the most. 

It's all right. Dr. Ellie Sattler: Like hell it is!

People say a lot of things…

Happy New Year everyone! So with the New Year I am realizing many things. And maybe, just maybe I made some resolutions that are worth starting January 1^st rather than February 5^th. Which is the normal time I make resolutions. So without further ado…

Go to the gym 5 days a week. I’m already doing this. I just need it in writing. Documentation you know?

Get down to my goal weight. In 4 weeks I am 13.7 pounds down. Fuck yeah. Get at me. Again documentation.

Stay single for an entire year. Yes now I know that everyone is shaking his or her heads and face palming right now but I mean it. I don’t mean shut out men and hate them everyday of my life. Heck no. I mean really learn to enjoy myself for as long as I can. Go to the movies by myself. Just be in charge of what makes me happy. And I think in my mind I have made this promise before, but really I was just trying to trick the universe to send a boy my way. (you know that whole it will happen when you aren’t looking bullshit that everyone tells you to make you stop crying and put the cupcake down). Listen, I am 23 years old. I’ve got my whole life ahead of me. I can’t worry about the other stuff.

Learn the difference between the advertisement and the product. I really believe people have the best intentions. I do. So when people say to me that they promise they are going to do something. I am satisfied. The word is good enough, but more often people will say what I want to hear in order to be under less scrutiny from me and then ultimately let me down. I’ve been buying into the advertisement, not the product. I’m gonna stop. Really actions speak louder than words and all that tick tick boom nonsense.

Get a normal people job. Not forever, just to say I did it.

Lets see how this works out.

Oh ps my show opened! Enjoy these gems!

Try to imagine yourself in the Cretaceous Period. You get your first look at this "six foot turkey" as you enter a clearing.

The excavation of my room.

“Sometimes it just isn’t enough you know?” Thank you Neil Labute. That’s all I’ll say about my new single status.

After looking through my room of all the things that I should get rid of my own mental stability I found that my entire room was full of lost artifacts from past friendships and relationships. And I decided that if I got rid of these things I wouldn’t know where I came from and where I have the capability to go.  Here are some of the fossilized things I’ve found and why they can’t go.

One of the oldest artifacts in my room, dating back to when I was a senior in high school and auditioning for colleges. Co’Relous was supposed to be my date for a night on the town in Chicago, but he blew me off. I was needless to say angry. He gave me this rose and then promised me that he would not lie or make promises he couldn’t keep again. And he has kept that word and we’ve been brilliant friends for almost 6 years now.

The Fountainhead. This represents John and everything that came with him. The many nights where we spoke until the dawn. The countless positive playlists. The tears. My worry and fear for this boy. And now I look at it and I see a book that represents a man that I knew. Now he is a new man and I couldn’t be happier for him. I miss and love him dearly and I’m so proud of him.

The panda trash can. This little guy represents a show that I wrote myself. It represents overcoming obstacles and learning to deal with working with a partner. But most importantly it represents something that allowed me to meet some of the best people I’ll ever know one of my most cherished college experiences.

Hahahaha. Well, I made this to promote safe sex my senior year of college. Truth be told it never got used until I was in a relationship that could can only be qualified as more than a one night stand. But I look at it and I don’t think about the times I got lucky. I think about the time when my roommates and I had craft day and I created it. I think about the times my roommates used it more than me. I think about how ballsy I was to make that in the first place. And I think about how thankful I am that I did make it.

Bowling scores and a box of chocolate covered pretzels. Steven is one of the most special people in my life. We are outrageously similar. We have had the most fun over the brief time I’ve known him, but I can’t help but feel I’ve known him my whole life. We always know what the other is thinking and can tell when we are in distress. We have had our fair share of ups and downs, but we always manage to move forward. I am so blessed to have him as my friend.

Caleba- This dino represents almost 6 months of the craziest time of my life. It represents being mature. Being a child. Meeting a new best friend. Getting a new family and missing my real family desperately. It represents a love for Jacksonville. It represents Caleb and I’s 4 hour long phone calls in the middle of the night. It represents laughter, pranks and shenanigans. It reminds me to move forward. And sometimes it is ok to not go back. 

The most recent and raw soon to be artifacts in my room. These each represent two of the most joyous times in my life. They represent the kind of feelings that you read about in novels. They represent two stubborn individuals. Lost and in love. And it represents the ability to move forward no matter how many times you say fuck you to a person.  It represents years of bad timing. It will probably be hard to crack open that book. And it probably will be close to forever before I watch that movie again, but one day I will. And these things will function just as all the other artifacts in the room.

There is a peak into the little things in my room that I can’t get rid of because it is important to know where you come from.  Life is easy to understand backwards but it has to be lived forward.  I always want to understand and maybe I can get forward down one day.

Yes Faster Faster!

From blah to Marilyn.

 Ew gross. Blah.

Removed hot stix. Add Makeup.













Brushed out.

Finished.

Did I do ok?

You think they'll have that on the tour?

Words everyone needs to hear:

I feel like holidays are such a tough time for so many people. Here are some things that can help:

You are brilliant.

You are beautiful.

You are loved.

Smile. You deserve it.

Laugh louder and longer.

You can do anything you put your mind to. 

The car is your own Madison Square Garden. Abuse it.

Everyday take note of one positive thing that happens. They add up quick!

It’s not a whole lot, but when I look at it I smile and I hope you do too.