No, I'm, I'm simply saying that life, uh... finds a way.

The People vs. Katie Swider

Lately I have found myself constantly disappointed in People.  I have found myself cursing at humanity, and most importantly feeling a high anxiety in social situations with people who share my passions.

And then I thought, “I am I just constantly disappointed in myself? And is this just a reflection of that?”

I, like most decent people, try to do the right thing. I pride myself in my work, and my willingness to help a fellow man in need.

More often than not people are ready to do the opposite.  And I can’t even begin to tell you why.

Maybe it is because it is easier to be cruel and tear people down.

Or maybe it is because someone wronged them recently and well, “do on to others… and so forth”

But this is all speculation.  And I can only control what I do.

More than ever I promise to promote what I love.  Plain and simple.  Doing the opposite of that is the most toxic thing in the world and it leaves you very lonely. 

But that's not what I'm going to do.

Fortunately for all of you I remembered that I have a blog. I never feel like I have anytime to write anymore because I am constantly  doing things, consistently busy and or working. And I think that's the best thing in the world. I am moved into my new apartment with my wonderful boyfriend John. I love my apartment, minus the fact that the hot water in the Kitchen doesn't work, but that is small potatoes.

I have not stopped working on an artistic project since I moved back to Jacksonville in October of 2011. I think that is something worth noting.

I spend my spare time reading books, watching movies and making art for my walls. This leads me to my next post. My apartment tour and my wall art for my place. Hope you like it!

Welcome to Jurassic Park.

It has been far too long. Time for a much needed life update.

The last 5 months have been absolutely crazy!

Last I left you, I was in a production of Hot Mikado. That was a blast! I mad a lot of new friends and rekindled some old friendships as well.

And I got to dress fun!:

And this guy came to see me!!










After I finished Hot Mikado I went straight into my dream role of Kate Monster in Avenue Q. I could literally go on for days about how wonderful of an experience Q was, but I will leave it to some pictures of our good times.



Rod and I on a night out at TacoLu!



Everyone's a little bit racist!



The full cast!

Such a great great show. The friends I made were lifelong and I am so honored to have done this show with such talented people! I have never been so sad to see a show end.

I have some great video for my reel as well. I am really excited about it!

Next up is Forbidden Broadway back at Theatre Jacksonville! I'm really looking forward to doing some serious character acting for the next few weeks!


I have been loving my time with John; he and I have become Universal Studios experts and we are looking forward to our trip to Halloween Horror nights next weekend!

I am also doing children's theatre locally and it is a blast.

Well here's too a more indepth blog entry coming soon!

That is one big pile of shit.

Much needed updates.

I have lots to say and not a lot of time to write it. I have probably tried to write entries more than 50 times in the past 3 months, but you sorta have to have a feeling about what you are writing about.

Well, I finally have a feeling.


I finished fiddler on the roof. It was an extremely trying experience, but all in all I learned a lot. I could go on for years about this and if you'd care to know then you can just ask me anytime.


I was cast in Theatre Jax's production of hot mikado as PeepBo. I love being in musicals. This show is so professional and I feel extremely lucky being in it.

I have a wonderful boyfriend. He really is wonderful.


Lately I've been reading graphic novels and playing video games. I am really letting my inner geek shine. It feels great.


I am continuing my weight loss journey. I have about 26 pounds left to lose. This last bit is going to be difficult I know, but I am really motivated to do it. I need to hit the gym more. I've been a slacker in April. I gotta good feeling about May though.

There are a lot of good things happening all around me too. It has inspired me to forgive and let bygones be bygones. So far so good.

So yes yes. I'll try to write more. I just gotta find some time.

We're gonna make a fortune with this place.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Yesterday my good ole friend Julian told me about a mental disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder or as I will refer to it: NPD. (not to be confused with the other famous saying No Problem Dude) I thought it was a joke. It sounds like I’m totally making it up. Trying to be funny, I thought Julian was making me laugh about all the douches we keep meeting. Then he showed me this:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001930/

That’s the real deal y’all.  I did some further research too. The symptoms of NPD boil down to but are not limited to:

▪                Reacts to criticism with anger, shame, or humiliation

▪                May take advantage of others to reach his or her own goal

▪                Tends to exaggerate their own importance, achievements, and talents

▪                Imagines unrealistic fantasies of success, beauty, power, intelligence, or romance

▪                Requires constant attention and positive reinforcement from others

▪                Easily becomes jealous

▪                Lacks empathy and disregards the feelings of others

▪                Obsessed with oneself

▪                Mainly pursues selfish goals

▪                Trouble keeping healthy relationships

▪                Is easily hurt and rejected

▪                Sets unreal goals

▪                Wants "the best" of everything

▪                Appears as tough-minded or unemotional [3] Thanks Wikipedia!

WHAT WHAT WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I can’t even deal with this list. And not surprisingly it is extremely common. I feel like theatre is a breeding ground for this extreme personality disorder, but in actuality the causes of NPD fall back to childhood.

The Cleveland Clinic writes:

The exact cause of narcissistic personality disorder is not known. However, many mental health professionals believe it results from extremes in child rearing. For example, the disorder might develop as the result of excessive pampering, or when a child’s parents have a need for their children to be talented or special in order to maintain their own self-esteem. On the other end of the spectrum, narcissistic personality disorder might develop as the result of neglect or abuse and trauma inflicted by parents or other authority figures during childhood. The disorder usually is evident by early adulthood.

So this is a public service announcement. NPD is real. There is no prevention. There is no cure. Beware guys and girls. I’m just trying to raise awareness. Maybe I’ll make a shirt.

Possible tag lines:

NPD is kinda big deal. But only the people who have it know about it.

NPD: Causing millions of bro’s to think they are totally hot since 8 A.D.

That one... when she looks at you, you can see she's working things out.

The time I’ve spent by myself.

            I’m about to turn 23. While many of the people that I’ve known have not spent a lot of time out of relationships. I have done the opposite. This is about the time I spend when I am alone.

I read a ton. I feel like this is even more so now that I am out of college. I love the escapism whenever I crack open a new book. I read plays. I do research. I get excited for new blogs from the sites I follow.

I craft. I have a full-time relationship with a hot glue gun. I love D.I.Y. projects and making things look aesthetically pleasing.

I write.  I journal, I blog. I write a historical comedy based on the life and times of Mae West. You know, the usual.

I take myself on dates. This is the most rewarding part of being by yourself. As RuPaul always says “if you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else” Lately I’ve been taking myself to the movies. There is nothing more satisfying than going to the movies. I’ve got a lot of films to see before the Oscars. The movies alone are a sacred experience where I can cry without worry. Where I am free to laugh on my own, and feel smart without worrying whether or not people actually think I’m smart. It has been so wonderful.

I went to Tallahassee this past weekend.  Never has there been a more necessary trip of my life. It was the perfect motivation to keep doing what I’m doing. I was greeted by a swarm of supportive people who told me I looked great and they were genuinely excited for my future.

The one thing that really stuck with me was a conversation I had with my dear friend Steven. He said “You look great” which I responded “thanks I’ve been working really hard” and he stopped me and said “no, everything about you is wonderful. Your personality is shining through in a way I haven’t seen in a very long time. The last time I we saw each other you were not yourself. You shine now” I told him thank you. I guess a lot was different. My look had changed, and I had lost way more than just 25 pounds.

My friends made my time in Tallahassee truly magical. It made me nostalgic for the many fun nights spent in apartment 1603. I ate real food responsibly. I even had a few drinks. I haven’t laughed that hard or that long in months. There was even a jazz circle! And I know my friends read this and I can’t thank them enough.  Thank you for your support, motivation, and love.

I know I spent a lot of time saying how I am alone, but I’m not really. I have the most amazing friends in the world. And they’re always with me no matter where I am. 

Well, at least you're out of the tree.

I am not your typical theatre person.

Theatre has been a part of my life for almost a decade now. I have met some of the worst people in the world while doing it. On the other hand, I have also met some of the best people in the world doing it. Theatre is just like anything else in the world. Just like politics there are people who have extreme beliefs about different things.

You have the people who believe that Musicals aren’t theatre at all. Or that it is anti-art. And then you have the people who know every word to almost every musical over the last 75 years and recite their tony speeches in the car.

I fall somewhere in between. I will defend that musicals are in fact an art form. And if I can be candid I believe it is the most American of all forms of art out there. Musicals were born in America. It represents our culture. It represents nationality and pride. And there are BAD MUSICALS out there. Just like there are bad paintings or sculptures or bad songs. And I don’t recite my tony speech in the car. I do it in the shower (just kidding) [kinda]. I think there are some brilliant musicals out there that speak to things that our youth and our general population need to know about. Next to Normal gives a glimpse into the world of bipolar disorder. Spring Awakening may be set in 1800’s Germany but uses rock music to show teenagers struggle with sexuality, depression, and desire to please their parents.

You have the loud obnoxious theatre person, or the judgmental theatre intellectual.

I think at some point every person falls into this category. It is a matter of growing up.

Theatre people believe in the art of the actor or in production.

Another issue that I fall on both sides of the fence.

I love acting. I love the process of acting. I love how free and vulnerable it makes me. I love the escapism.

 In a brief conversation with a gentleman caller the other day this man said to me “I don’t trust dating actresses it would be so easy for them to lie to me”

I just want to get one thing straight

Lying is the hardest thing in the world for an actor to do.

Actors are trained to bring truth and vulnerability to everything they do. We know as actors we are not these characters so we have to find a way to bring our truth to what we do. We have to be vulnerable and real in order for anyone to give a crap about the things we’re saying.

So it’s not hard for anyone to date an actor. It is hard for an actor to date anyone else. To date people who aren’t vulnerable is hard, to date people who think what we do is lying is REALLY hard.

I also have worked for a production company for the last 3 years of my life. It is structured organized and we do 6- 8 shows a year.

An acting professor of mine once called production companies’ anti-art hamburger factories. I don’t believe that’s true either. My senior year I directed a play called Art  by Yasmina Reza and it was some of the most truthful and beautiful work I’ve ever had the privilege to watch out of my 3 actors Dayne, Ross, and Zach. It was all done with in the confines, and structure of that same company. And even the professor himself who came to see my show said the work was powerful and truthful.

Theatre is funny. If someone asked my favorite song in 2007 I probably would have said “The Bitch of Living” from Spring Awakening. But if you asked me now I’d probably tell you some hipster garbage you’ve never heard of or care to hear of.

I make my life into a musical on a daily basis. It may not be full of the songs by Sondheim, Bock, Stein, or Webber. Sometime my musicals are full of Ingrid Michaelson, Fun, Lady Danville, Neon Indian, or Ella.

I finally got around to watching the preview of  NBC’s new show SMASH.  I was filled with hope, tears, and a renewed sense of urgency to follow my heart and do what I love.

I love reading plays, I love directing, I love talking about plays, I love acting, I love singing, I even love dancing. I just know that I love theatre.

So I guess that makes me the most stereotypical theatre person in the world. Go figure.